SHOWING AND EARNING RESPECT

2008-01-12T03:35:00.000-08:00

Respecting someone means respecting their feelings and their survival needs. Here are ways to show respect for someone's feelings:

1. asking them how they feel
2. validating their feelings
3. empathizing with them
4. seeking understanding of their feelings
5. taking their feelings into consideration

For this process to work efficiently several things are required. For example:

1. Each person must be aware of their own feelings; i.e. know how they feel.
2. They must be able to express their feelings.
3. They must know how to listen non-judgmentally & non-defensively.
4. They must know how to validate feelings.
5. They must believe that feelings have value.
6. They must believe that feelings matter.

If respecting someone means respecting their feelings and their survival needs, then if a person does not respect your feelings, they don't respect you. If those in positions of power and authority do not respect your needs and feelings, they will not earn your respect.
Here are some specific ways to show respect:
Asking others "How would you feel if..." before making a decision which affects them
Voluntarily making changes and compromises to accommodate their feelings, desires and needs
Not interrupting them
Soliciting and allowing feedback. Trying to understand their beliefs, values and needs

Giving them the opportunity to solve their own problems without underestimating them, in particular:

Avoid telling them what to do, Avoid telling them what they 'need' to or 'should do, Avoid giving them unsolicited advice, sermons and lectures
Remember that the most effective way of finding out how well your efforts are working is to simply ask, "On a scale of 0-10, how much do you feel respected by me?" If you have created a safe environment, you are likely to get an honest answer. Then if it is lower than 10, you can ask, "What would help you feel more respected?" Then you have the specific information you need to improve your 'rating.' I have found that most people are more than willing to express themselves when asked such a question. And the answers are typically articulate, and often surprising.

farah's blog

SHOWING AND EARNING RESPECT